2011/02/14

My letter to the mysterious e-mail gnomes.... (Swedish Limpa)

Dear E-Mail Gnomes,

I am not sure who runs your operation, but I am writing to express concern regarding the recent contents of my inbox. 

For the record, I have not requested nor am I interested in "enhancement products" (unless they are dough enhancers).  I do not want to make 90,000$ a month working from home on my computer.  I have no desire to buy "cheap" medicines from countries of unknown origin - by the way, there are regulations about that.  Speaking of cheap - I also do not not want to by a "Bolex" watches or "Boach" bags, so knock it off with the knock-offs. 

Furthermore, I do not need a "special" one day pass to Direct Buy.  Nor do I care who is looking for me on Facebook - I don't even have a Facebook account.  I also don't care that my name has come up 87 times in 3 hours in Search Results.  If I wanted to be found, I would post my picture on a telephone pole.  I also am not interested in a free trial to E-Harmony, Singles.com, Match.com, Cupid.com or any other dating service.  I am good, I promise. 

Additionally, I believe that it is really not in my best interest to re-finance my mortgage 85 times in a given year - because if I responded to each of your "best-ever offers" that is about what I would have ended up with.  And while I am at it, I really am not interested in sending my personal information and a check for 500$ so that I can redeem my "winnings".  Like I said before, I'm good - thanks.   

Oh, and I don't need a Snuggie, pajama jeans, a super-salad-slicer dicer thingy.  Or any other unsolicited item to clog up the house that I am already struggling to declutter.  You should probably know that I am a skeptic - if I haven't seen it with my eyes and had a chance to give it a once over, I am probably not a believer...

If you are truly interested in improving my world, you can stop trying to steal my money from me and you can instead send useful things my way.  Like recipes or notes from friends and family.  Or blog posts (but only if I have subscribed to them, thank you very much.).  You can even send me notices that my bills are available on-line - while I don't like paying bills, I would rather view them on-line over killing a few fresh trees to see them in my mail box.  If you really want to make my day, you will show up in the form of a bread recipe - perhaps a nice solid hearth loaf that can be enjoyed with a steaming bowl of soup on a cold winter day or could serve as the base of a hearty sandwich.  I have included an example to help you get it right. 

In closing, I would like to thank you for your consideration.  By the way, you can stop cluttering up my inbox effective immediately. 

Sincerely,

Cher, a.k.a. "The Dabbler"
_______________________________________

Thank you for allowing me to vent my ill humor before moving on to the good stuff...

Here is a link to KingArthurFlour.com's Swedish Limpa Recipe - the version in their Whole Grain Baking uses an overnight pre-ferment and the flour ratios are different than the online version.  Both are winners.  I changed up the version from the book by adding exchanging 1/4 cup vital wheat gluten for a portion of the pumpernickel flour - you could certainly use a whole cup of pumpernickel or rye and skip the VWG.  I think that the VWG makes a slightly lighter loaf when using heavier flours. 

Limpa
Adapted from KAF

PreFerment
1 cup Whole Wheat Flour (I like White Whole Wheat, but regular makes a nice loaf as well)
1/2 cup cool water
Pinch instant yeast

Dough
All of the pre-ferment
1/3 cup orange juice @ room temperature
2 Tbs warm water
1/4 cup molasses
2 Tbs butter, cut into pieces
3/4 cups pumpernickel or rye
1 cups unbleached white flour
1/4 cup vital wheat gluten
1 Tbs instant yeast
1 1/2 teaspoons EACH caraway, fennel, and anise seeds (if you like those flavors - if not, omit)
1 1/4 teaspoons salt
1/4 cup nonfat dry milk
Grated zest of one orange

In a small bowl, mix all the pre-ferment ingredients.  Cover and let sit overnight @ room temperature. 


In a large bowl, mix together all the dry ingredients, then add remaining ingredients until a rough dough forms, then knead (5 to 7 minutes by machine) until the dough is smooth and satiny. Transfer the dough to a lightly greased bowl, cover the bowl with lightly greased plastic wrap, and allow the dough to rise for ~1 hour. It'll become somewhat puffy, but these are some heavy flours, so you won't see a doubling in size.

Shape the dough into a ball, flatten it slightly, and place it in a lightly greased 8" cake pan  (my personal preference is to lay it on a flat baking sheet lined with parchment & use the sides of a spring form pan to help it hold its shape).  Cover with a lightly greased plastic wrap, and let rise for 1 1/4 to 1 1/2 hours, or till it's puffed up noticeably - this one probably won't double (remember, heavy dough...).

Bake the limpa in a preheated 350°F oven for 35 minutes, tenting it with aluminum foil for the final 10 minutes if it appears to be browning too fast (I like to remove either the pan or the springform sides at this point in the process).  Loaf is done when it sounds hollow after a tap on the bottom...  (Hey, keep it clean, this is bread we're talking about people...)

Yield: 1 large round loaf.

5 comments:

  1. Hilarious! And the bread looks tasty as well.

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  2. Then can I interest you in the latest fear mongering "please send to everyone you know" panic'd chain-email about a computer virus or chemical in your drinking water?

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  3. @ Trevor - nothing draws my finger to the "delete" button quicker than a "send to everyone you know message" - whether it be a warning of imminent danger or "Mr. Huggy Bear is sending you a kiss so please forward if you have a heart" (which I have been accused of not having at times...)

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  4. As always, you make me laugh.
    I’m glad I discovered your blog through FFwD. I stopped by today to award you the Stylish Blogger Award to let you know how much I enjoy it. I know others have done the same, but I still wanted to share my appreciation of what you’re doing. Reading your blog brightens my day. Happy Cooking! Betsy

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  5. What a gorgeous loaf! Thanks for the recipe.

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Hi - Thanks for stopping by. I'd love to hear from you!

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